Love's Renditions

I miss him
I can't love him
I miss him
I can't love him
I miss him
I do love him
I miss him
So what is love then?

He was the one I gave the twinkle in my eyes to.
He was the one I gave the cherry in my fruit cocktail to.
He was the one I gave all the money from my refund check from school to.
the rest,
I gave the rest.
my energy,
my pride,
my respect,
my dignity
 gave him all my masculinity
so he'd feel more like a man
because a man can't stand bedding another man.
And I am a sun
dimmed my light for his ego
when I say he
I do mean him or plural
But also
I mean me
see
it wasn't any man
that did me dirty it was me
I let go of me
so I repeat.

I miss him
I can't love him
I miss him
I don't love him
I miss him
I want love again
I miss him
So what is love then?

Love is within.
The him I miss is the he in me
and I keep
mistaking the he in she
for the he that is he
the physical man that stands before
promising and proposing
instead of discerning
that my lust for him
is not a burning
but a yearning
of my spirit for me to come back to me.
to stop dumping me out on the street like old clothes
when we both know that those are the best fit.
I've never been the material type
so why would base my life finding new
when my mission is to keep what is so easily lost
self.
wealth is self and I miss it.

See when I say I miss he
it's just Morse code for "I Miss Me!"
I want to be with her
to give her everything that she has given
 to all of the blessed men
that spent her for a new ride, a good time or a fly by night
because she deserves more
shit, she deserves it all.
  She's not tall,
she not thin
but dammit to me
this woman is beyond the shallow scale of one to ten
she is the divine spirit within
and I want to love her
I can love her
I want to love her
I can have her
I am her lover
I do love her
I am a lover
a true lover
because I love me.

Love comes in all styles, tiles, colors and forms.
But true love goes against the norm
because true love is an inner door.
Walk through it as I do
because my ability to love me
allows me to love you.

My Mission
is to love within
My Mission
to love him
My mission
to love them
My mission
is true love's renditions.
- Bajá Marie